Lunch Date
by Master Fedora
Summary: It's TTA slash. I just couldn't get the couple out of my head. It's supposed to be sweet and weird. Try to keep an open mind, that's all I ask.
1. Default Chapter

Lunch Date  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own TTA or it's characters. Everyone is very thankful I don't as it has saved them a ton on therapy bills.  
  
Author's Note: Oh my God, I'm so sorry...lol!  
  
*********  
  
It had finally happened. After years of fruitless chasing and planning and being blown up, it had happened.  
  
Calamity Coyote had caught Little Beeper.  
  
He grasped the young bird in his hands, not daring to let go for even a moment. His eyes flashed with barely controlled glee. There was no way he would escape this time. He chuckled silently.  
  
Then Little Beeper had kissed him.  
  
Calamity dropped him and fell back. Little Beeper stared at him with a mixture of confusion and terror on his face. The shocked coyote could only stare stupidly at his, now, ecaping, advesary.  
  
Little Beeper's kiss hadn't been a bit deal. Kissing someone to escape was an old and proud toon method. It caused surprise and usually disgust in your captor causing them to let you go go gag someplace. It was innocent and worked well.  
  
But the captor wasn't supposed to enjoy it.  
  
The captor wasn't supposed to want more.  
  
And for the love of cartoons everywhere, the captor was not supposed to kiss the captive back.  
  
Calamity stared down the road, his hand moving to his mouth, as if to ask why.  
  
He had kissed Little Beeper back.  
  
********  
  
Calamity had decided to bury himself in his work. He wouldn't think about Little Beeper. He wouldn't think about his fit body, his shiny feathers and large sparkly eyes. The coyote tried to do some equations. No, he couldn't think of the taste of him, certainly not the kind of taste he was expecting to get. He looked down, realizing suddenly, that he had stopped writing. He had stopped writing numbers and had preceeded to absently write words. "Why?" "Need" "More"  
  
The pencil fell from his hand.  
  
"Need more what?"  
  
Calamity whired around to come face to face with Buster Bunny. He held up a sign "What? Nothing! Why?"  
  
Buster regarded him oddly, "You wrote 'need more'...well 'why? need more" So what do you need more of? I can't help with the why. Have you seen Little Beeper lately?"  
  
Calamity seemed, if possible, more disturbed, "No. I've been busy."  
  
"Well he's been acting really strange."  
  
"Has he?"  
  
"Yeah, kind of how you're acting right now...are you okay?"  
  
"Fine"  
  
"Is he okay?"  
  
"I don't know. I don't care. Go away!"  
  
Buster backed up a little, "Er...calm down, Calamity. I was just trying to help."  
  
Calamity lowered the sign and nodded, a new one came up, "Sorry. Please, I'm busy..."  
  
Buster nodded, mostly unconvinced, "Sure. Later."  
  
Calamity just nodded and picked up the fallen pencil.  
  
*********  
  
"Well? Any luck?", Babs Bunny asked of her boyfriend as he exited the science lab.  
  
"None. It just got weirder."  
  
"How so?"  
  
Buster shrugged, "Calamity got all defensive and angry when I asked about Little Beeper."  
  
Babs pondered this, "Well, Beeper is his enemy...kind of."  
  
"That's not the strange part though, he blushed."  
  
"Huh? What? When?"  
  
"When I mentioned Little Beeper! He blushed and then got angry. He must've have been embarrassed. But about what?"  
  
"Maybe he's embarrassed that he hasn't caught him yet. And that makes him angry."  
  
Buster nodded, "Yeah, but that doesn't explain why Beeper is so upset."  
  
Babs did a spin take and appeared in Sherlock garb, "Well then Watson. I think we best investigate this strange occurance!"  
  
Buster suddenly in Watson garb, nodded, "Absolutely Holmes! Lead the way!"  
  
********  
  
Their first stop was to see, Calamity's mentor, Wil E Coyote, who immediately dimissed the whole thing as nerves.  
  
"Calamity has a lot to live up to, living in my impressive shadow. I mean, while he is quite talented, he can't measure up to my level of genius. Poor boy."  
  
Babs and Buster exchanged a 'yeah right' look.  
  
"But what about Little Beeper, sir?", Babs asked.  
  
"I'm sorry?"  
  
"Why is Little Beeper acting so nervous?"  
  
Wil E scoffed, "My dear, if a carnivous, ravenous animal with a genius IQ wanted you for supper, wouldn't you be nervous?"  
  
"I...guess."  
  
"Exactly. Now be good little children and run along. I have work to do," he shooed them away.  
  
Buster and Babs, had barely caught a glimpse of some blueprints and a large crate marked "Acme: May God Have Mercy on your Soul" when they were shoved out and faced with a closed door.  
  
They proceeded to see The Roadrunner, who basically repeated what Wil E had said but in reverse. Little Beeper had a lot to live up to, Calamity felt inferior, blah blah blah. For somebody who talked via signs, he sure could ramble.  
  
As they found themselves outside yet another door, Buster shook his head.  
  
"And as usual, adults know nothing.", he said.  
  
Babs nodded, then suddenly waved, "Hey Hampton! How's it going?"  
  
Hampton smiled at them, "Oh fine. Hey, have you seen Calamity? I have his notes for 'Advanced Toon Physics' and I'd like to give them back."  
  
"I'd hold off on giving them back if I were you. It's probably best to leave him alone.", Buster said.  
  
Hampton looks perplexed, "Oh? Why?"  
  
Babs waved the question away, "Never mind. Tell me all about your study date with Fifi."  
  
Buster grinned, "Bet the notes weren't needed. Nudge nudge."  
  
Hampton blushed, then snapped angerily, "We studied! She is a lady and I'm a gentleman. I would never! I kissed her goodnight, that's all! Honestly!"  
  
Babs and Buster both looked a little shocked.  
  
"Sorry, Hampton.", Buster apoligized.  
  
"We were only teasing," Bab added.  
  
Hampton calmed, "Oh, I know. I'm sorry. Guess love can make you defensive. See you later guys!"  
  
"Bye Hampton!", they both chorus.  
  
Buster watched him as he left, "Huh. That was weird."  
  
Babs blinked at him, "What was?"  
  
"Well Hampton acted the same way Calamity did. He blushed and got angry when we asked about him and Fifi and Calamity blushed and got angry when I asked about Little Beeper."  
  
Babs regarded him with amusement, "Hampton was embarrassed because he loves Fifi and is shy and defensive about his physical attraction to her. Now say that same sentence but with Calamity and Little Beeper's names in there."  
  
"Calamity was embarrassed because he loves Little Beeper and is shy and defensive about his physical attraction to him.", Buster deadpanned.  
  
"That should sound funnier."  
  
"Maybe it's true."  
  
Babs looked aghast, "That's disgusting!"  
  
Buster placed a hand to his chest, "Why Babsie! I had no idea you were a homophobe!"  
  
"What? No! I don't care if they're both guys! It's just...you don't date your dinner. It'd be like one of us dating a carrot. It's just awkward and leads to bad things. I mean what does a relationship like that say to the world?"  
  
Buster pulled her close and looked deeply into her eyes, "That love conquers all, Babsie?"  
  
"Sure," she whispered as she melted into a puddle, then snapped back up to normal, "So what do we do?"  
  
Buster grinned, "We come up with a plan and play a little Cupid."  
  
End Part One. 


	2. It's About Time!

Disclaimer: I still don't own TTA, go figure.

Author's note: I know this took forever, and it's short...and crap. I'm sorry. I don't really see TTA anymore and it makes it hard on my muse. I will try real hard to get the next part up in a shorter amount of time...meaning less then like two years. Yeesh...

"So all we have to do is come up with a plan!" Babs said cheerfully, suddenly looking forward to it all. The romantic in her had quickly stomped out any squeamishness she had had.

"Right," Buster agreed. "That should be simple enough. We come up with plans all the time."

They sat there and thought for awhile. After that they pondered. Then for a change of pace they decided to contemplate. Unfortunately none of these resulted in a brilliant plan to get their mismatched friends together. They soon found themselves slumped against a row of lockers staring off into space.

"Well we could...uh..." Buster started then trailed off.

"Or maybe we could, no," Babs rejected her idea before she finished it.

They both sighed.

Buster jumped up, "Aww heck, let's just knock them both unconscious and lock them in a room together, until they admit their undying love to each other."

Babs joined him, "Righty-O. Cliche but effective."

They marched off towards the labs to find their coyote friend when Buster suddenly stopped, "Uh, Babsie? What if we're wrong?"

"Huh?"

"Well, I mean what if Calamity doesn't really have a thing for Little Beeper. If we just lock them in a room together..."

Babs pictured the scenerio and flinched, "Ew...yeah. That'd be bad."

"So all we have to do is make sure that Calamity likes Little Beeper."

"And make sure Little Beeper likes Calamity."

Buster nodded, "Yeah that's important. We can't have a one-sided scenerio here. So how do we find out?"

"Well," Babs said snuggling up to Buster, "If we weren't dating, how could I get you to admit your love for me?"

Buster stuttered like an idiot for awhile composed himself, "That's a pretty good way. Think we can get Calamity to snuggle up to Little Beeper?"

Babs stepped back, "Probably not. Think Buster, you're in complete denial.What would get you to own up?"

Buster thought a moment then smirked, "Jealousy."

Babs grinned at him, "Exactly." she declared.

"Like absolutely not!"

Babs dashed after Shirley with Buster at her heels, "Awww, c'mon Shirl! Why not? It's for a good cause!"

Shirley stopped dead and whirled around, unfazed as both rabbits hit her and collapsed in a heap. "Deceving somebody is totally bad karma!"

Buster unhinged himself from Babs and straightened himself out, "But helping friends find true love is totally good karma!"

Shirley shrieked, "No!" and Buster and Babs were blown through the nearest wall. She stalked away.

Babs crawled out of the wreckage and coughed. "Okay...no. Well let's ask somebody else..."

Fifi yelled at them in french, Sweetie looked at them weird and walked away, Merrie Melody considered it but said no, and they decided that asking Elmyra would only be cruel to everybody involved.

Babs growled in frustration, "Why doesn't anybody believe in love?"

Buster shrugged, "We could ask Plucky to do it. He probably would for a few bucks. The duck has no shame at all."

Babs shook her head and shuddered, "No way. Remember the time with the crossdressing and Montana Max? We finally got Plucky to stop blaming us. I don't want to go down that road again."

"Yeah, my ears are still ringing. Okay okay, so I guess we could do it."

Little Beeper watched Calamity as he concentrated on his diagrams. The young bird doubted the coyote even knew he was there. Calamity had the tendency to get engrossed in things. Little Beeper could've walked over and beeped loudly causing the young genius to hit the ceiling. That would've been funny, but he refrained. He wasn't really sure why.

He snuck closer trying to a better look at the diagrams. It was probably some, ultimately doomed, plan to capture him. He was surprised to find no plans but rather a few random scribblings and the word 'why' written over and over again. He was further startled when the pencil clattered to the floor and Calamity sunk in his chair with a dejected sigh.

He turned and sped from the room, deciding he had to think about some things.

TBC...we hope


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Guess who still doesn't own TTA? That's right. Me.

Author's Note: My God! It's an ending! I don't know how good it is but it's an ending.

Buster was starting to doubt this plan. "Uh...Babsie? It's not that I doubt you or anything but...I'm not sure this is my color." He hitched up the dress a little.

Babs reached over and adjusted the wig that she had picked out for her boyfriend. "Come on Buster. We agreed to this. Unless you want the entire school seeing you hitting on Calamity. I for one don't want to deal with the rumors of my boyfriend's questionable sexuality. It's bad enough you like show tunes."

"Hey, 'Hello Dolly' is a classic piece of work. You should learn to appreciate it." he stated, putting his hands on his hips in a gesture that didn't help his arguement at all. He shook his head. "Whatever. Y'know if Calamity or Little Beeper are gay then won't they just not be attracted to us, anyway?"

Babs shrugged. "It's not important that they actually be attracted to us, just that the other thinks they are and gets jealous. It's all a matter of creating the illusion that somebody will take away what they want."

Buster reluctantly agreed. "Alright. So why can't you dress as a guy then? Won't the same illusion be created with guys hitting on them?"

Babs grinned. "Probably but then I couldn't make you all pretty." With that statement she flounced off leaving a blushing and somewhat amused Buster behind.

The plan was about to go into action.

Fate was on their side it seemed as both Calamity and Little Beeper were spending a free period, reading in the currently empty auditorium. They were on opposite sides of the room and seemed quite oblivious to each other. Buster and Babs were both relieved it hadn't been the library. They still would've gone through with it but they would've had to deal with the somewhat terrifying libririan and her quest for complete silence. Sometimes Buster wanted to poke out her ear drums just to grant her wish. He started mumbling something about senile old bats when Babs shushed him.

Babs left her boyfriend to go sit down next to Calamity. She put on a bit of a forlorn face. "Hey Calamity. What are you doing?"

The young coyote looked up, a bit startled. He held up his book as if that answered the question, which it did really. Babs glanced at the title, which was long and filled with words that she wasn't even sure were from Earth, let alone english. She sort of nodded in acknowlgement of the book and sat back in the seat, sighing. He didn't respond so she sighed again, a bit louder this time. After a few minutes of this, in which Babs was less sighing and more rivaling a small tropical storm, the young coyote looked up again.

"What's wrong?" came the sign.

Babs turned on the water works and the drama. "Oh Calamity it's terrible! There's this new girl and she's just snatching all the men away. I think Buster's got a thing for her."

"Oh. Oh well that's terrible. I'm sorry." It was amazing how Calamity could make the written word look completely awkward.

Babs sniffled. "Well I don't need him anyway. I need something different in my life. Who says I always have to date a rabbit huh? Maybe I need somebody more dangerous, more carnivorous, more cerebral." She dropped herself in his lap. "Somebody like you..."

Calamity held up a blank sign. He was completely speechless. He was trying to think of a way to let the rabbit down gently when a dark scowl crossed her face. He started to reconsider what he was going to say when she spoke.

"It's her. Man, she just has to hit on every guy in the school doesn't she? I mean honestly is she just working her way through the building?" she said, her tone one of disgust.

He followed her filthy look towards the other occupants of the auditorium. He was shocked to see Little Beeper. Not only because he hadn't known the bird was even there, but because said bird was now in a passionate embrace with some female rabbit.

Babs was trying not to laugh, though she thought Buster was laying it on a little thick. She desperately wished she had a camera, though she supposed she couldn't really start snapping pictures. It would ruin the illusion. She looked over at her genius friend, to enjoy his look of anger and jealousy. Only...only he didn't look angry or jealous.

He looked devistated.

Babs felt a little ill as a tearful Calamity sped from the room, leaving behind the incomprehensible book. She called after him which caused the distraught and confused Little Beeper to finally shove his amorous assaulter away. The roadrunner watched the coyote dash out of the room, with a concerned and, could it be, regretful look. He left hurriedly, going after him.

Babs walked over to her partner in crime. "That didn't quite go like I planned." She perked up a little. "But no point wasting an oppurtunity. Come on!" She grabbed Buster's hand and dragged him, no pun intended, out the door.

Wil E had managed to blow up his office eight separate times since the day had begun. It was really a low number for him but still he felt he might have knocked himself a little goofy. He could've sworn he just saw Little Beeper chasing Calamity.

"Maybe I'm under too much stress..." he mumbled to himself and decided to make some tea.

Little Beeper was, of course, faster then Calamity so it didn't take him too long to catch up with the upset canine. Calamity just fumbled with the door to the science lab, fighting back the embarrassing tears. A wing reached over and gently placed itself on his hand, and they opened the door together. Calamity looked over at him. He was so close. He could just grab him right now. Wil E would be so proud. He didn't though. He didn't move, but neither did the bird. They just stood there in the doorway looking uncertainly at each other.

Nearby the two interloping rabbits were trying to listen in on the conversation. This was difficult, as the two they were trying to listen in on didn't, y'know, talk. Babs rolled her eyes and pulled out a huge remote and summoning some mysterious menu from nowhere, turned on the subtitles. She shrugged at Buster. "It's a toon thing."

Words appeared underneath Calamity and Little Beeper as they rapidly held signs up to each other.

"...I have no idea who she is! She's certainly not my girlfriend. I didn't even get a name. Why do you care anyway?" Little Beeper inquired.

Calamity blushed. "I don't care. You can date whoever you want. It's a free country. I just thought you could do better that's all."

Little Beeper's beak quirked into a small smile. "How better? She was rather pretty."

Buster blushed hard as Babs stifled her giggles. She almost missed reading Calamity's next words which she found both touching and amusing.

"You need somebody more dangerous, more carnivorous, more cerebral...somebody like..." Calamity faltered. He had wanted to sound sauve and flirtaous but was starting to feel silly.

Little Beeper pulled close to him and nuzzled him with his beak. "Somebody like you?"

Calamity flushed and fumbled with his next sign. "Yes? Maybe? Do you...?" It fell from his hands as Little Beeper kissed him for the second time that day. Only this time, the bird wasn't trying to get away. The coyote wrapped his arms around the thin figure and sighed into the kiss. He had finally caught the roadrunner, though it wasn't in the way he figured he would. Maybe this way was better though. This way, he got to keep him.

Buster and Babs watched his a sense of accomplishment as their friends walked off, hand in wing, together. They turned off the captioning but not before they caught plans to go out for pizza and attend some science lecture.

"Well Buster we made two toons very happy. A good day's work I'd say. What should we do now?" Babs asked.

Buster pondered this. "Well we could go to class..."

Babs was about to regretfully agree when she noticed something out of the corner of her eye.

Furball was leaning against the lockers, watching Go-Go walk by. The feline had a look of sad longing in his eyes.

Babs grinned. Buster groaned. Here they went again...

Note: Well there you go. It's over and quite cute actually. For the record, no I'm not going to write a Furball/Go-Go fic. I don't even ship them. I just picked two random characters. You want to? Go right ahead. I'd probably read it.


End file.
